
To be honest,after 100 plus posts,I wanted to do away with this space and create something new.I no longer found it attractive or exciting from a readers perspective.But I have gone through so much here,I am just a little unwilling to let it go.It is here that I have learnt forgiveness,self appreciation, patience and much more .I have literally skinned myself and exposed my vulnerability to people I don’t know and some whom I would rather remain a stranger to.
The first time I got my heart broken,I cried.The world didn’t seem to make sense without him😅.Don’t judge me,I was young and I saw life in one dimension.It took me years before I got to date again.I was more sober and I had started to look at life as multifaceted.I would never cry because of a man.I had grown thick skin or so I thought😅.
You see,once I meet my husband,I plan on loving him with every inch of my breath.I hope he does too.I have since accepted the fact that if I am going to love,then it means my heart might probably get broken and it’s not because they will have dumped me.The thought of what could have been is a loss big enough on it’s own.Its a risk I am willing to take because after many heartbreaks,love still remains to be a beautiful thing.Maybe it’s just life that sucks.So I am always praying for my husband.The one He kept for me.And if I will not find him,then so be it.The other day a friend of mine said it’s impossible not to find your mate.
“There’s always someone to marry.”
But well,if it means I settle for what I don’t deserve,I would rather forfeit that course.
Here’s my point though,if my husband and I get children,I pray that they teach us a new kind of love.Being a mother needs one to be more than human and this by far remains the greatest mystery of life which I believe you cannot fathom until you become one.I have seen children grow up and because of how shitty life is,they have made marriage unbearable.I pray that my children never become a cause for this unfortunate occurence and if so,then I don’t know.Maybe I would rather not go down that path.And instead of making such careless prayers,I should probably just ask God for Grace.I have recently found myself needing more of this than I thought. To actually go back to the basics and relearn everything I thought I had mastered.Forgiveness and patience.Love and Trust.
And now more than ever I know,growth is not always linear.
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